My hair reeks of homosexuality.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
