I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize