Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize