How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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