i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
