I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
