I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
