Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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