I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
