she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
