Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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