i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
