It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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