No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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