I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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