I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
