piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
