I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
