I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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