Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
