How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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