Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
