I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
