sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
