I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
