His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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