I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
