The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
