He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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