My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
