I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
