i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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