The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
