I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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