You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
