u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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