his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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