i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
