I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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