he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
