so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
