Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
