kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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