I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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