a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
