My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
