You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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