i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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