Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
