You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
