but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
