I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
