i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
