Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
