I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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