Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize