somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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