You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
