You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
