Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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