Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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