Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
not ubering you a puppy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
