Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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